Sadice's mind

Might as well I would say not too many people has the courage to face reality.
I realized I've had so many opportunities to get to where I wanna be at in life, but everytime I get a chance I find some way to run from it or not do it, or make up some lame excuse. . 
Because some days when i hit reality i cry the heck out of me... Is it that I created an imaginary world inside my head just to avoid what really is going on?I take care of my responsibilities and my daily life tasks. But when it comes the time to be in silence and think over stuff that might probably be the most important for me in my heart... I just break down in tears.
Sometimes when you have painful memories you do not always want to carry on with them the whole time, so what's the solution...
MY solution...ignore them.
Lame but true. A world of fantasies created by my mind is what keeps me alive...
Do am I just escaping in a cowardly way from life, or is it a measure I took to keep me alive.
It sounds pathetic coz someone would say: "Do you need an imaginary world to keep you alive?"
YES.....
If  I stop myself and see through what's making me feel this way I'd say is just crap I never dedicated time to fix when I had the chance to. Because I was so selfish and self-centered to even care about. Worried about shitty problems that never helped me at all.
I want her to stop crying, I want him to pay her more attention, I wish I had never said that, Am I doing this for my future even though I'm so unhappy doing it?. I wish he would be right next to me and hug me again...Sometimes I laugh for no reason because it's fun to remember how beautiful was to say "Todays an special day I better get up". I miss taking that puppy for a walk. I miss getting drunk with my best friend in life and actually no be ashame to show my happiness in public.I wish I could walk in the middle of a crowd and be smiling again. I miss going downtown just to see familiar faces all over the place and still think that's wonderful.All those things I miss and wish... are they really worth it....
is this the price I've to pay just to be "someone" in life?
Money apparently takes lots of things from your life but I do not deny that also helps you to approach happiness.
This masquerade I'm wearing is the key of my current situation in life.
The biggest problem is my fear to fight what really makes me sad without this masquerade.
I did that already once. And I found myself alone.

Silent scape, reality must die.